• Being a teen mom is the best thing that's ever happened to me

Being a teen mom is the best thing that's ever happened to me

I'm a 19 year old female and I got pregnant when I was 18. I guess I'm not your stereotypical teen mom, I'm married with a decent paying job, have my own place, don't rely on my parents for money, etc etc but still I'm young and I have gotten a lot of shit for it. I can understand why, but honestly being a teen mom was the best thing that's ever happened to me. Before I got pregnant, my life was a fucking mess.

teen-mom

I worked at Burger King, I used to be a complete fucking pothead, did a plethora of other drugs, and I genuinely did not care about my life or my future. My own family situation was terrible, my mom left me when I was 11 months old. My dad raised me but he was addicted to drugs my entire childhood and because of this, at 15 I was homeless and had to drop out of high school. I did go back and get my GED when I was 16 so I did do that right, but still. My husband was in a similar situation and he did worse drugs than me. I was more into "party" drugs such as acid, coke, shit like that whereas my husband was on meth. When I got pregnant, my whole life turned around. Suddenly, I cared about my life because I had someone else who was going to depend on me. I quit everything when I was pregnant and my husband quit meth cold turkey, which I absolutely look up to because I can only imagine how difficult that was. I stopped working at Burger King and got a much better paying job. On top of that, I work from home so I'm fortunate enough to be able to take care of my daughter without needing childcare. A couple months after I got pregnant, my husband and I got a place together. Everything just got so much better. I got so many rude comments about being pregnant and I even had someone say "I'm sorry" when I announced it. My daughter was born in October and the first time I've ever cried of happiness was the day she was born. I'm just so fortunate that I have a good enough head on my shoulders that I know how to do what's right for her and give her better opportunities than I ever had. Idk guys it's 5 AM and I'm just sitting here watching my daughter sleep and I just felt the need to share.

I had some extra thoughts lol. It definitely gets hard but I just can't imagine where I would be without her. People tell me I'm missing out on my young years and I'm just like, "missing out on what? Getting shitfaced with strangers?" Given my background I was never going to travel, go to college, or anything like that so I would have went further down hill if I didn't have a child.

Many kids in foster care are bounced around from home to home because lots of people don't want to deal with the issues they may come with. The kids start resenting the system, losing trust, and hating the homes that they're placed in.

When I was living with my foster parents, they decided to foster three more kids. All boys, 9 years old, 4 years old, and an 8 month old. Their mom was really young, and their father was in jail... He was in jail for taking a shot gun and trying to shoot their mother. She put her hands up to cover herself-- lost 2 or 3 fingers.

Anyway, the 9 year old would go around the home stealing things, he was extremely manipulative (He somehow convinced his teacher to give him money), and he would lie ALL OF THE TIME.

It was obvious that the 4 year old had no type of discipline, and the baby would shake/jitter (the mother was doing drugs while pregnant), and as the baby got older, he would bang his head into his crib for attention, he pretty much needed to be carried by someone all of the time to prevent him from hurting himself. It was kinda scary.

I think this was their 7th home... and my foster parents worked so hard to implement a system/schedule for them. They were actually getting better... But for some reason whenever they would have a visitation scheduled with their mother, they'd come back and all progress was lost.

Eventually the mother stopped showing up to the visits, she stopped going to rehab, and pretty much disappeared... The oldest child was so hurt because of it.

Unfortunately, the foster care agency took the kids (because of huge misunderstanding), and my foster parents were extremely upset. I feel like most people would have been relieved to get the kids off of their hands (and if I had to be honest, I was slightly relieved because the kids were stressing me out -- imagine all the screaming and yelling going on in the house). They tried everything to get the kids back, but they had no success. As far as we know, they separated the kids, and sent the 9 year old to some kind of facility.

They also had a 10 year old brother, but he got in huge trouble for raping his foster mother's granddaughter.

It was a crazy situation.
Anyway, there is so much that is going on in the life of a foster child, and in order to be able to foster a child, you're gonna need to learn how to handle certain situations. I'm not saying all of the kids are gonna give you trouble, but the majority of people who I've met while in care have always gotten themselves into some kind of mess. They just need someone to support, trust, and love them.

If those boys still lived with my foster parents, they would probably be doing so much better than at whatever facility they're at now, with staff members who don't care and are only there for a paycheck.

Wow, that is super amazing! I am glad you both care about your daughter and futures to make those changes. I can only imagine how hard it was and crappy it felt quitting.

I hate how people can be assholes about being pregnant. I told my mom I was pregnant and she was all "I want to say congratulations but I really feel bad for your situation." I thought, seriously wtf? I was 30 when I was pregnant and I had a working husband while I was finishing my high school diploma at an adult school. Some people can just be real asshats. My bff was 19 when she had her first kid. A lot of people gave her the "I'm sorry." too and she honestly is hard working and very responsible.

I even got asked in my adult school "Don't you worry about being pregnant while in school? I meat it's really hard and you won't get to do a lot of stuff." when I said I wanted to go to post secondary after my diploma. She said it in front of the whole class. Was so judgmental. At least I had some other students whose moms were in school while they had them back me up.

I hope you get to do all the wonderful things parenthood has to offer. Since we had our daughter we have actually been more stable and happy. So I feel you on that. Besides, my school has parent weekends, field trips, events, and resources including bursaries and grants for all students with a dependent(s). We still get to do a heck of a lot of fun stuff with our kids around and they help fund parents doing an overseas course so their kids and spouse can afford to go with them. When you get into nursing school, ask about their resources for student parents. You will probably get a lot of assistance and support. Besides, a lot of schools and workplaces love a Cinderella story to brag about.

Enjoy your little one. I was looking at my daughter's baby pictures the other day on how delicate and small she was. Then looked over to her and she is lifting weights with her father. I miss her tinyness sometimes. But at least she still smaller than me (for now, lol). The last three years went by too fast for us. Make every moment count. You are both wonderful people for getting through so much!